Real World New Zealand

It's a Zoo Out There

2007-06-18T14:06:00.000+12:00

To most people, firefox is just some sleek anti-Microsoft, tab-multiplying, add-on rich internet browser.
<--

What they don't know is that fire fox is a nickname for the red panda, which we came across at the Wellington Zoo yesterday. -->

Sure, it's endangered, and it leaves a musky scent all over its territory, but who doesn't these days?

That's a good bear-cat. Good boy!
We saw all sorts of others too. Kiwis, talking parrots, some lazy roos, an evil monkey tribe, zebras, lions licking each other's privates, tigers, sun bears, tarantulas, otters, the whole bit. Nice.

<-- Oh yeah, that's a mama bear...

...and this is the first zoo to carry miniature giraffes! -->

Well, things down under are winding down. Trainer worked his last night at Nicolinis as an Italian waiter on Friday, and had his last all-you-can-eat pizza Monday at Hell Pizza. If things go to plan, he'll have his last Tuesday at Mermaids, and then that'll be that. Heading for home - the Bay Area and back down. Dunne leaves for a South Island tour on Tuesday as well, and then he's off to school in the states too.

Calvert, as is often the case, remains the last man standing. He manages his own bar now, and will keep the flag flying in Wellington as a sort of living history of the NZBoys - bold, roguish, and serving alcohol to the younger crowd.

It's been a sweet journey. We'll miss the clean skies, rockin' locals, and late nights. Sometimes it does pay to get out of the house, I guess. Yeah. Take a walk on the wild side.

So long!

[Screen fades to music: Nothin But Mammals by Bloodhound Gang]

The All Blacks

2007-06-12T17:52:00.000+12:00

Rugby - a sport most Americans haven't even heard of - is the central most important thing to New Zealanders. And the All Blacks, the New Zealand national team that earned its name back in the 19th century, is the most important thing to New Zealand rugby fans.

So, we thought: "We've been here six months. We've eaten kiwi burgers, drunk kiwi beer, kissed kiwi girls...we might as well watch some kiwi sports." And we bought stadium tickets - the cheap ones, of course.

Sidenote: Rugby vs. American football...who's the boss? The debate can't be won. They're different sports, with different strategies. Rugby guys don't wear pads, but most kiwis feel that football players "hit harder." (They've been watching a lot of American football movies.) I'll tell you this. The average rugby player is a huge, huge dude. And he's fast, and he has to think on his feet, without someone planning everything for him, and he can take one hell of a hit......And almost every New Zealand guy is a New Zealand rugby player. You get the picture.

We've seen it on TV, and we've gasped at how raw the sport is. We've heard the hype. We've watched the news. It was our turn to see it for ourselves.

So we pre-gamed, dressed up, and joined the black tide of fans heading for the Wellington Westpac stadium. Oh, what a night.

It started with the haka, an ancient Maori war challenge that's been a centerpiece of the All Blacks for time immemorial. It looks savage, and powerful, and spiritual. It means the players are out for blood.

As is turns out, our seats were three rows back from the field. We could feel the players breathe.

And because we cheered so hard, we even got on national television. Maggie saw a closeup of the three of us on the megatron, and the guys back in the penthouse caught the same shot of us yelling like idiots on tv.

We looked kind of like this:

Naturally...

New Zealand South Island Tour

2007-06-02T17:03:00.000+12:00

As promised, we've logged, mapped, and uploaded pictures for the South Island tour of New Zealand. Completed in about 3 weeks, the trip was a mix of close encounters with wildlife, non-stop vistas, sidetrips to off-the-path wonders, and the usual local flavors and parties.

The Complete Travel Log says it all. Made with Google's new "My Maps" feature, the map allows you to click on interesting spots and pull up our stories and pictures from the area. It also shows our route through the whole thing, in case you'd like to find these beautiful spots yourself.

We rode with Kiwi Experience the whole way, so this is also a good way to take a look inside what their South Island trips offer.

If you'd like bigger pictures, and more of them, then check out the South Island web album. It's a great way to get an up-close look at what New Zealand's South Island has to offer.

Later, we made our own way through New Zealand's North Island, and you can check out that travel/adventure map if you're into it. The North Island Web Album has all the pics.

There a lots of stories to tell of these journeys, and the travel maps have all kinds of inside scoops for you there. So check them out if you're into...say...

swimming with dolphins, jumping into waterfalls, petting giant boars, feeding carnivorous parrots, hiking glaciers and tunneling through blue ice, kayaking in baby-blue water with seals and golden beaches, hitting up the world-famous wineries, jet-boating, horse-back riding, sheep shearing, beach lounging, brewery touring, river swimming, bungy jumping, sky diving, white-water rafting, black-water rafting, glowworm watching, paint-balling, off roading, tim-tam slamming, watching sunsets on the beach, or just having a drink and a good time.

Enjoy!

The Breaking of the Fellowship

2007-05-15T13:05:00.000+12:00

Whereas once we stood united, gazing across the harbor bathed in gold by the autumn sun, the skies have now grown dark, as have our hearts.

Today bright morning has given way to grey mourning... and we are forever changed. May you find that for which you seek, Shock. Farewell.

Progress

2007-05-14T02:50:00.000+12:00

Ewver one else have sequestered themselve in deep conversatons.
So I put on a funny hat.

...and counting

2007-05-13T17:43:00.000+12:00

Stack 'em up!

hour 7....drunk, high, bi-curious.....the crew embarks on an endeavour into the unknown.....1 bottle of shtitty tequila, a box of wretched dry white wine, 2 bottles of Lindauer Special Resrerve, and 10+ cases of Tui later, the crew is in full swing.....mussels by the kilo, nachos as big as your head, and, well, popcorn. how else can you sum up my last weekend of piss.....brilliant! we've got scots, kiwis, americans, and one helluva good time rollin.....stay tuned for updates ........

Blog in Progress....

2007-05-13T15:22:00.000+12:00

The breaking of the Fellowship shall soon be upon us...

We only know one way to celebrate...

Target Practice.

and Food

and Beer

Stay tuned as this thing could spiral out of control...

Royal Crown

2007-05-11T17:46:00.000+12:00

You know what...

I'll just let this picture speak for itself.

Those of you who know me already understand.

Today was a good day.

Now, off to find the Crown Royal.

Excitement provided by RC Cola International

Delilah Touring Coaches Company

2007-04-28T10:11:00.000+12:00

With all the buzz out there about interest rate hikes in Kiwi Land, the boys decided to run a segment on Investment Opportunities in New Zealand.

As we all know, the interest rates in NZ have hit a new high, and while that bodes ill for Kiwi exporters, it's like striking gold for international investors looking to make easy money off of an inflation-phobic island economy. Come on in, fellas, the water's fine!

We here at RWNZ want to help you, our international readers, make some speculative cash, so we've decided to bring you in on a little golden-goose secret...

Repeat after me: "Delilah Touring Coaches Company". Yeah! That's it! We've got a hot little IPO for you that'll make you richer than a Michael Jackson defense attorney.

Here's what most people don't know. Recently the boys' illustrious and true-hearted van, Delilah, has been a bit of renegade. After breaking down two hours out of Auckland all those months ago, she sped across New Zealand like a champ before developing...a bit of a limp...such that the driver's foot could never be taken off the gas, else Delilah's engine would die. Pioneers that they were, the boys quickly developed a two-footed driving system, where both gas and brake would be used simultaneously to keep Delilah running, even at stop lights or while coasting.

Even more recently, as the boys raced home to start working after their Waitare Weekend, Delilah died at the turn-in for the car garage with 250 empty beers and a few McDonalds wrappers plumped in the back seats. After being pushed into a corner spot, she remained untouched for months. Though it was a private corporate parking lot, none of the suits wanted to bother with what looked like a homeless person's van wedged into an untowable corner of the lot. A gem in the rough, I tell you! Buried treasure!

The boys, led by Charlie Powers, took action. Delilah already had a new heart-thumping fuel pump, but the boys weren't satisfied with that and installed a new battery, starter, and throttle, so that Delilah went from being a bit of a cranky old maid, into this -->

Yeah!

What did you expect? We know opportunity when we see it. And now that you've seen it, you'll want to get in on the action, I'm sure! Check it out.

Stock in Delilah Touring Coaches Company [DELI] is shooting up fast. If you wait too long, you'll miss out on your chance to make hundreds...possibly thousands of dollars. That's why we're giving you this opportunity now to get in on the ground level. Send $10 (NZD) via Paypal to our e-mail address, and we'll send you a stock certificate for 10 shares of DELI. Do it now before it's too late!
Don't just take it from us, either! See what the experts have to say about Delilah Touring Coaches Company...

"When I first heard of Delilah, I laughed a little. 'Crystal Brite roof,' I said, 'yeah right!'
But then I saw her, and I laughed even harder. I laughed at the world,
because this car has been touched by Midas himself,
and now I was going to get me a piece of that. Fire, THIS, Rosie!"
-Donald Trump

Still don't believe this opportunity can be true? Check it out. The stock certificates are minted and ready to be mailed.

Boo-yah!

High Society

2007-04-20T15:58:00.000+12:00

Yes, this past Monday was a night of Culture, Class, Cocktails, and Cuban cigars. Why this seemingly anomalous foray into the upper echelon of societal stratificaton? Well, thanks to some promotional generosity, the Mac's Brewery crew found themselves with complimentary tickets to the theater that otherwise would have cost upwards of $90 each.

And not just any theater, but the kind you spell with an 're'... Wellington's historic St. James Theatre.

And not just any show either... but Opening Night of Fiddler on the Roof starring none other than the incomparable Topol himself!

So Charlie, Shock, and Morgan cleaned up, dressed up, and stocked up for a classy, cultured evening. After a few fine beers at an even finer drinking establishment, the lights dimmed and the curtains rose. How was the show? Well, as the Dominion Post put it, "The Milkman Still Delivers." Indeed he does. According to the Capital Times, "There is a marvellous vitality in all the performances, but Topol’s subtle and marvellously nuanced performance is mesmerising. His singing in anchoring and inspiring the whole ensemble is incredible."

After the show, it was time for a cavalcade of caiprinhas, cosmos, cubans, and critique. Yes, as with any self-proclaimed pundits, we sipped introspectively on expensively named cocktails while engaging in the obligatory intellectual discourse about the deep symbolism and emotional content of the performance. Most of this discussion centered around the wonderously palpable tension between the characters ofTevye (as played by Topol) and the butcher Lazar Wolf. Due to venue restrictions, photography was not allowed, thus we are only able to offer the following artist's rendering of the on-stage conflict...

Lazar Wolf vs. Tevye
Round 1: Fight!

Needless to say, such a night was a welcome departure from the all-too-common case of Tui and Sky Movies 2. And as if that weren't enough, the next morning brought with it further refinement as a few of the boys headed off to Martinborough for a taste of New Zealand wine country... more on that to follow.

The more action, the better

2007-04-20T14:42:00.000+12:00

The Colgate Vs. Crest wars are heating up.

When Colgate came out with Cavity Fighting Action, Crest responded with Cavity Fighting Action Plus Whitening. Their toothpaste was even double-striped. The board of directors at Colgate fired their entire management team on the spot.

The new team was hired with one mission, one goal. Beat Crest. Come out with a toothpaste that made a double-action toothpaste look like an antique bone-saw.

They succeeded. Now there's Colgate Triple Action.

High fives all around!

Colgate triple action has Cavity Fighting Action Plus Whitening plus Fresh Breath!

Dude. Sweet.

Pay no attention to the tiny writing on the bottom of the box: there's only one active ingredient. The same, sole, active ingredient in all toothpaste - Fluoride. And yeah, they charge 300% of the bargain brand's price because they came up with triple action FIRST. Marketing is a game for geniuses. I can't understand the complexities.

The moral is this. More action is better. Crest has already got a quad-action toothpaste in the final phases of testing... The NZ Boys are on the horse as well. It's Shock's 26th birthday, and the b*&^#es ain't leaving till 6 in the morning...Calvert, Shock, and Dunne are down on the South Island racing towards Christchurch - where there's rugby and booze for all.

Recently there's been an opening night for Fiddler on the Roof (complete with Topol!), there's been Aunties visiting and causing ruckus with piles of All Blacks jerseys, there's broads and dames and crusaders. It's all still twinkling in the city on the harbor, even as the days get shorter. Hey, that just means the nights are only getting longer.

Happy Easter, Happy daylight's savings, Happy International Calling Card Day. We wish you the best. May all your action be ever greater.

The Terrace: Uncorked

2007-04-12T20:03:00.000+12:00

We've had our fair share of Sunday morning celebrations here at the Penthouse...

Christmas, Superbowl, Easter

...and we've noticed that they all begin the same way.

and by that we mean,

"Look Out Below"

Coming Soon: Anzac Day

...but we'll probably make something up before then anyway.

The Journey is the Destination...

2007-04-07T23:56:00.000+12:00

The advetnure that is Easter Weekend had already begun. As tomorrow (or today in some time zones) is the Sunday knwon as the Eater Sunday, it is difficult to buy liqour/beer toimorrow (or today in some time zones). Thus the importance of piricuring said spirits today (yesterday in some time zones) in order to imbibe them tomorrow (todau in some time zones). All this leads to the adventure from which I have jsut returned.

New World supermkater is a long...long wlak from theTerrcae... so as I'm in the spermarlket purchasing preparatory beer and maybe tongiths' dinner itmes) I get to thinking...this whole shopping cart thing is pretty convenient. what If i could tak eit beyond the realms of just this supermarklet.

Ironic that such a voyage of discovery had its genesis in a place called 'NEw World'.

Picure this: Me and a shopping cart full of Easy Mac and cheap NZ beer off-roading it around Wellington...They trip hope was like a real world version of "Superkarkjet Sweep" meets "Frogger" meets "Skate or Die". I'll leavfe the rest up to your collective imaginations, but (not wanting to create scene), the shopping cart/trolley is cuirrently somwhere bertween gfloors G and O/P of the FGrnad Chancellor Hotel. AOme times you have to let go of the things you love. It served me well and fo that I am truly thanksful.

Touring the North Island

2007-04-06T18:02:00.000+12:00

Recently, Maggie and Matt took off with Katie to race around the North Island of New Zealand in a rented car.

Even more recently, Google released something called "My Maps." This allows someone to track their journey on a satellite map and add text and pictures, so that they can make a kind of travelblog out of the whole thing. So click on the picture below and take your own tour of the North Island through the eyes of 3 young college grads out to find something in New Zealand besides sheep and delicious lamb meat.

You can also check out the Web Album for full-sized pictures of the whole journey.

At this point, I'd like to give my thanks to Google, which made the following possible:

Blogger - for the writing
Blogger Buzz - for giving us street rep
Goggle Talk - for getting directions from friends in net cafes when we were lost
Google Maps - to prevent getting lost in the first place
My Maps - for the travelblog (tripcast, iMap, maplog, plog...what's the term for that?)
Picasa - for the web albums we can link to blogger
G-mail - for notifying my family about my status (Alive or Dead)
Google search - for bringing new folks to the blog
Google Ad-sense - for the procuring of $$
Google Finance - for helping get all my $$'s together to fund the whole thing.

Thanks guys

Coming soon: The South Island Tour

Wellington Cinema - The Black Sheep of the Movie Industry

2007-04-05T12:15:00.000+12:00

It's no Hollywood, but Wellington is quite the movie-production hotspot in New Zealand. From obvious greats like Lord of the Rings to lesser-known titles like The Tribe, Castaway, and Xena: Warrior Princess, Wellington has a fair hand in the world's cinematic imagination. It creates story-telling masterpieces that take our minds off of silly drudgery, stressful bosses at work, costly plane tickets, and our local surroundings - like those 40,000,000 sheep that keep getting in everyone's way around here.

But then came...
Filmed on location right outside Wellington city and in Wellington studios, Black Sheep doesn't take us away from the sheep, it puts us right in the middle of the most f*^%ed up sheep that generations of sheep-farmers could dream up. Director Jonathan King teamed up with Jackson's Weta Workshop to create the kind of lamb you'd never want to see on your barbie.

These are some vicious lady woolies, and they'll bite your wiener straight off...right on the silver screen. It's the ultimate violence of the lambs, and screwe the ramifications. For sure, there's enough gore in this movie to satiate Hannibal Lecter. It looks terrifyingly real on screen, but the important thing is to watch this movie in a theater with awesome, bass-thumping, glass-breaking surround sound. There's nothing like hearing mutant sheep-balls smacking into a man's buttocks from the rear of the theater to the front.

Besides the blood, guts, and ruts, the film takes itself typically un-seriously for a kiwi-made project. It's not so much of a philosophical, existentialist art film as it is a throbbing heart of haggis used as a weapon. It's simple and fun, and if you've got a squeamish chick by your side, she'll be on your lap by the end of the flick. Have her wear a thick wool sweater if you really want a movie you can feel.

For a review of Black Sheep, I'd give it 4 hooves way up - totally shaaaaagable. Wellington proves again that following the herd isn't all its cracked up to be.

The Boys are Back in Town...

2007-04-02T00:55:00.000+12:00

Like the wild dogs crying out in the night, so too were some of the boys growing restless longing for some solitary company. They knew that they must do what's right...sure as Mt. Cook rises like Olympus above the flats of Southland. Seeking to cure what was deep inside, they were gonna take some time to do the things the never had... and by that, of course, we mean...

Morgan and Charlie took a week off from work to tackle one of New Zealand's 'Great Walks': the famed Routeburn Track. Hurry boys, it's waiting there for you...

Luckily Irish John (as previously featured in the 'Waiterere Weekend' post) was planning on driving most of the way there already, so the boys tagged along. We are forever in his debt. Speaking of debt, in an effort to save a few dollars in ferry costs, Morgan hid in the back seat of John's tiny Subaru as they boarded ship just before 2am.

"Hey Morgan, there's a bunch of people milling about right now...you're going to have to stay under there a bit longer. Sorry, dude." 5 minutes later Morgan emerged to an eerie Vanilla Sky-esque 3 hours on a deserted and sealed off vehicle deck/cargo hold...parked next to a delightfully fragrant cattle transport... but, as is true with any great epic, there can be no victory without suffering, no freedom without sacrifice, no triumph without loss.

It was sunrise in Picton, lunch in Christchurch, and sunset outside Queenstown, with the road between filled with driver changes, map checks, nap times... and that one scary moment when Morgan regressed to driving on the right (read: wrong) side of the road. Eventually we pulled up to the Base Backpackers where the chick at the front desk filled out John's paperwork for him, believing him to be illiterate...nope, just Irish. Dinner at Hell Pizza and a few drinks at the bar was more than enough to put us down for the night.

Ok, enough with character development...on to the rising action. Once again indebted to John for saving us an early morning shuttle ride, it was time to hit the trail. Admittedly the opening few kms up the Routeburn River to the aptly named Routeburn Flats didn't rise much, but after a solid few hours along the river's north branch standing in tall grass looking up at tall mountains, it was time to head for higher ground. The track itself, as with most of New Zealand's other so-designated Great Walks, numbers are regulated and trampers must stay in DOC maintained huts and/or campsites. While having gas stoves and bunks provided along the way made us feel perhaps only medium-core, we used that extra pack space for necessities like cheese and crackers, Nutella, and a bottle of fine red wine.

For the next three days we traversed ever-changing landscapes of spectacular and truly ineffable magnificence. Track follows the Routeburn River up through Mt. Aspiring National Park to it's source at Harris Lake, then crosses the Harris Saddle into Fiordland National Park. From the 1515m summit of Conicle Hill (a side trip up from the saddle) we felt on top of the world, looking out all the way to the Tasman Sea. The weather turned out better than anything we had dared hoped for...clear blue skies and deep starry nights. And talk about timing, the clouds rolled in and it began to rain not even an hour after we stepped off the track.

That night saw us back in Queenstown, where we had a good old-fashioned piss-up to celebrate our return. When both the actual and metaphorical fogs lifted the next morning, it was a gorgeous day spent in quiet Qtown doing nothing much more than resting our legs, checking to see how badly the auto-draft option had hurt our fantasy baseball rosters, and watching almost every over of the Blackcaps win over the West Indies... that, and preparing ourselves mentally for the oh-so-exhasuting sojourn back to Wellington.

7:30 -3:00 Queenstown - Christchurch

4:00 - 9:15 Christchurch - Picton
10:00 - 1:15 Picton - Wellington

Oh well, it was $200 cheaper than flying. And we got to watch the moonrise over the Pacific Ocean from the sleepy little beach town of Kaikoura. Moments like that are hard to argue with.

While photos can't nearly do it all justice, they do a much better job than my ramblings, so click here for a more shots taken along our journey.

Now it's back to work in Wellington, which today meant 13 hours. So, until next time...

I'm going to bed.

A note of vindication for New Zealand and Gillette

2007-04-01T11:36:00.000+12:00

The Fusion Razor and Fusion Power have arrived - shining, massive, soul-shaking displays of them scattered throughout supermarkets all over the country. At long last, the Schick Quatro and old-timey Mach III are put in their rightful worldly place - the refuse heap. Shaving technology has evolved, and those less-capable 3 and 4-blade razors are about to become endangered...

What's this?!?

Gillette has just come out with the Gillette Fusion Power Phantom. According to the ad copy - "Gillette Fusion Power is so advanced, you'll barely feel the blades. The micro-pulses help reduce friction and increase razor glide - for a shave so good, the ladies will never even see you coming."

Great shiny dag! You could probably shear a sheep with that razor! And what a good looking piece of lamb-meat THAT would be...

It seems that razors have come a long way from the old straight-edge. Back in ye olden days, I bet girls could see the guys coming from miles away - shaving with only one big, non-powered blade like that. And who wants to shave their face with a mini-meat cleaver anyway?

No matter what we do - six blades, twelve blades, electromagnetic vibro-pulse precision blades, America will always find a way to be one step ahead of this shaving evolutionary curve. It's astounding that New Zealand can be left in the silky smooth wake of a country where 48% of the folk don't even believe in evolution, according to the latest Newsweek poll. In fact, about the same percentage of Americans take creationism as fact, and believe the earth was created 10,000 years ago in its present form. That's as crazy as saying that six blades came before four! Or why not try to just "come up" with an idea like micro-pulses without having something like a moisture lube-strip first?

It's probably easy enough for Americans to believe in things like creationism when they're plopped in front of a television for an average of more than 4 hours a day (when do they have the time to shave?). So while they're catching up on televangelism, CSI, and Fox News, New Zealanders are out swimming (or shaving?) in Lake Taupo - a 600-sq-km lake formed 26,500 years ago by one of the biggest volcanic eruptions in history. Or they're exploring the glowworm caves in Waitomo, which have cave formations dated at 750,000 years old, based on rates of stalactite and stalagmite creation of approx 1 cubic centimeter every hundred years.

Surrounded by a nation of volcanoes, fault lines, exposed uplifted sea-bed, ancient species, and dated razor blades, it's a bit easier to take a step back from all the talking points, dogma, ad copy, and razor smooth cutting-edge science. Down in New Zealand, we're not bothered by ideas of stealth technology shaving. We may not own the very latest toys or gadgets. We're not wrapped up in the latest fashions (you saw the hair-do's). We just eat lamb from the barbie, wear our shorts at mid-thigh, and if a lady sees you coming, then good on ya mate.

So don't look down on us just because we're not Phantom-powered yet. When we're sitting on the harbor at dinnertime, drinking Speights and watching the sun glint off the hill-side houses, we're happy enough. I guess we just don't know what we're missing.

2007-03-30T20:10:00.000+12:00

A character who goes by the moniker "Prof" has recently weighed in on our Waitarere weekend.

Happiness is not bound up in doing for self, he notes.

I want the prof to know that your message has reached the boys. An emergency round table meeting was held last night to discuss our narcissistic ways. Voices were raised, tears were shed. Shock was damn near inconsolable.

Decisions were made. For each novelty mug of wine we drink tonight, $4.50 (NZD) will be donated to the Gay Children's Defence Fund, Dunne's charity of choice.

I know it's a small step, prof, but its a start.

'Atta Boy!

2007-03-29T11:01:00.000+12:00

In today's news, Real World New Zealand gets pegged by the blogger crew as the 'Blog of Note' today. Thanks, team!

*************************************************************

Interesting and noteworthy Blogger-powered blogs, compiled by the Blogger Team.
For historical context, see Concerning the Historie and Nature of Blogs of Note.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Real World New Zealand

http://nzboys.blogspot.com/

************************************************************

We threw a party to celebrate...

Waitarere weekend

2007-03-20T17:13:00.000+12:00

To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level.

-Bertrand Russell, Conquest of Happiness

The city grind wore away at the boys, serene Wellington starting to feel like an actual hustle and bustle. Perspective needed to be returned to these working stiffs, these blue collar toastmasters. To the countryside they go.

One hundred clicks up the Kapiti coast lies a sleepy seaside town called Waitarere. No stop signs, let alone stoplights, Waitarere was an isider's tip your correspodent received from Establishment regular Tommy, who used to call it home. Sixty years old and Irish born and raised, Tommy is the regular you love to see pass through the door; always with a smile on his face, quick to bring a genuine one to yours. Tommy enjoys visiting on my sleepy afternoon shifts, talking sex, drinking, traveling, the bar girls, the roommates. If there's a personification of the classic Kiwi adage "Good on ya!", it's Tommy. He felt Waitarere was the remedy. That was good enough for me and the beach house was booked online that evening.

Morgan, Shock, Charlie, and myself made the trek, with travel buddy Irish John in tow. Trainer could not make it, as he was on a North island tour with Maggie, and Dunne could not attend due to nine to five constraints imposed by the New Zealand banking industry. Deliah served us well but broke down literally at the foot of our building upon return. The old girl might need to be put down, but that's a story for another post.

As far as the specifics of weekend activities, I don't think they would surprise too many. Drinking, feasting, muisc, card playing, and world classs lounging dominating the hours. Not to say nothing constructive occured. Shock developed his beer marinade, Mogan and Charlie stumbled upon a 19th century shpwreck, and my man-crush on Barack Obama deepened after reading more on his Chicago beginnings.

Tommy was spot on, as the weekend seemed to be what everybody needed; the tanks have been refilled. At press time, Morgan, Charlie, and myslef regroup at the penhouse sipping cold kiwi ale. Afternoon turns to evening. Clocks have gone back and autumn lies in wait. My work week hours away. Here we go again.

Homemade Postcard

2007-03-20T13:55:00.000+12:00

From those of us who haven't written home in a while...

...we'll consider ourselves off the hook for a few more weeks.

It's Late, I'm drjunk, but...

2007-03-10T05:09:00.000+13:00

I have to tell some one about this..

So I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to stymie the 'other american" 's attmpet sot follow me home. For those of you who have only recently joined us... i apologoze for leaving you o0ut of the loop, but I' donm;t hve much time before I pass out. So a few of us had a few drinks ast work after work... wjich usually leads to good conversataion. in this case hoxwerer , it lead to the other american provong that not only could she not stay classy....but mayhaps she was never classy to begin with...

Highlughts include...
The state capitol game..

"Delaware? No, that's too hard. ask me another one."
"Illinois? I don't know... Caspar. no wait, that's Wyoming. No, I mean Wisonsin."
"Pennsylvania? Harrisville...??, no wait... I know... It's Jefferson City."

But the quote of the night comes from the folloiwing exchange...

She: "There are really only thrre races in the world. Black., White, and Asian."
Me: "So what do you call South Americans?"
She: "Asians."

Sweet As!

2007-03-01T22:54:00.000+13:00

It's time for a little more local culture...and further proof that crossing the International Date Line may have put us a day ahead, but still a decade behind. In this installment, we let a classic kiwi drink showcase classic kiwi fashion. Click Here to begin your education.

Sweet As, Mate! Good On Ya.

Today's episode was brought to you by the letters L & P.

It's about time we updated this thing...

2007-02-24T20:47:00.000+13:00

Damn right it's about time... we could apologize for not updating this, but if there's one thing we've learned about kiwi culture thus far, it's the importance of being straightforward. Down here cigarettes come with labels that say SMOKING WILL KILL YOU. Highways are lined with warnings that say SPEEDING WILL KILL YOU. Even the zoo posts signs that would scare most children I know...

So we're not apologizing. Very simply, we've become locals... and as such, are very busy. And when we're not hard at work, we roll through town just like in a Fat Freddys Drop video. That being said, however, a blog post is well overdue. Unfortunately for those of you keeping stats back home, so much has happened since we last did this that rankings have gone out the window. This will be just the facts... most of them.

Dunne -
Finally swayed by the temptation of the sedentary life, Dunne has traded his drink-slinging days at Molly's for the quiet pastures of cubicle life and a love-hate relationship with Sky Movies 2. Preceded by a slightly panicked trip to the department store and an online 'how-to-tie-a-necktie' session... Dunne has returned to the office...only thing missing is the button-maker.

Calvert -
Still pulling double-duty in town and currently in the on-deck cirlce at Basement Bar, waiting to take the reigns as duty manager, Calvert seemingly has his shizz together. Purveyor of discounted (read: free) drinks, his responsibilities now include being Shock's boss (or as Shock maintains...partner). Proving that it's ok to work for the Establishment and have a career in the Basement...

Charlie -
Just as Dunne's spending less time at Molly's, Charlie is spending more...though he's still firstly and foremostly the man behind the bar...emphasis on the man... at Mac's Brewery, though we'll have serious questions about his clout if he charges his parents full-price when they show up next week. Or is it this week? Oh crap, maybe they're already here. We need to clean.

Shock -
Just left the pad to work his last night at Electric Avenue... Shock's been playing the professional field. Now part-time at Basement (see above comment) and full-time at Mac's Brewery. While the hours are much better (no more getting home at 6am...from work, that is), he'll admittedly miss the nightly parade of hen parties fighting for his attention. Oh...and they're still talking about his amazing Guac in the Big K's Kitchen.

Trainer -
Having graduated from glassy to goon squad, Trainer is now officially gone with the wind...and by wind we mean girlfriend. Currently somewhere on the South Island; we're hoping he left a trail of wine bottles to find his way back. Follow the journey on the 500-photo web album.

Steve -
With Trainer down South and Charlie off the Couch, the Terrace had room to spare...and rent to cover. Enter Steve. Steve from Chicago. Worked at Molly's, introduced Dunne to the idea of temp-agency-office-work, and played the guitar (that, presumably, he still does) He's gone now...headed back to the States... we'll miss him. Not to worry, though...he's applying to SSCC.

Morgan -
Still cultivating the Kiwi cut... Morgan's been clocking significant hours at work. His presence is now referred to by management as quote-unquote indispensable. Not sure how that happened...but it comes with a lot of free Export Gold Extra Cold and it's a sub-5-minute walk from the Terrace, so no one's complaining. He is, however, looking forward to sleeping in a bed someday... someday.

So there you have it. All (most) of it. Time to hit the town.

One of these things is not like the other...

2007-02-16T16:55:00.000+13:00

One of us had to do it eventually. Oh, and those shades fell off a passing bus.

It's a Party

2007-02-05T15:52:00.000+13:00

The Wellington 7's came to town. The Superbowl passed through. The girls had a simultaneous birthday. This town is absolutely buzzing and beautiful. We're trying to keep up. We're trying to stay on our feet.

The 7's were a mix of a San Francisco Castro Halloween, a New York New Years, and an Amsterdam vacation... with a bit of the World Cup thrown in. People were stumbling over car hoods, dropping their flags meant to be dresses, and walking through town in their underwear. Everywhere. Check out this account.

It's too nuts to keep up. The place was a circus show. It IS a circus show. We've got beautiful days on the beach followed by nights trying to avoid the gang of bikers with handlebars attached to their pelvises.

So Wellington keeps its promise to us and we're content. It's a good show. So long as we've got the Superbowl on the telly, the girls in bikinis on the streets, and the locals in the over-the-shoulder thongs, we can say we're having a decent time. Struggle though we might through the clear skies, the windswept clouds, and the bronzed beauties, we're going to make as much of a go of it as we can. It's a continuous struggle against entropy.

So maybe we're enjoying a minute or two of this dull, lifeless, fluorescent light-bulb life. But it's not easy. We've got bills, we've got jobs, we've got commitments. We're serious adults here. So what if it's our job to police and serve alcohol to half-naked girls and men dressed as nurses? We gotta make a buck, right? Rough life. We can't wait till we're tied up in neck-tie nooses and black corporate-suits. Free life in the South Pacific is miserable. So we'll do what we can. Men can only hope for so much.

The XX Factor

2007-01-30T22:02:00.000+13:00

New Zealand is the country that is the farthest away from its nearest neighboring country, and as such, it can be hard to abtain the basic neccessities of life. We've got to import all kinds of things. For example, they don't have the Gillette Fusion here. I had to import my own just to get the close-shaven kind of look that only movie stars deserve. And then even the Fusion wasn't enough. Now we're importing American Women.
Incoming! The girls arrive. Maggie Mason and Katie Fogelsong arrive in country for a two-month stay. And they're chomping at the bit for action. Sunday is a Hellicopter ride to the south island. On Monday they're at Waikanae Beach catching tans, and on Tuesday they're going to the Wellington Botanical Gardens, Mount Victoria, and Oriental Bay. Hey, Wellington! Meet the American woman. One attraction per day isn't enough. These ones are hard to tame.

So the count of South Tahoe Americans goes from six to eight. Can Wellington handle that many? We can only hope so.

Super Bowl Week

2007-01-30T16:23:00.000+13:00

"The most anticipated event of each and every year, the culmination of five months of thrills, endless statistics, ego boosts, and several disappointments; a major holiday, no, the major holiday, a day when routine and care is suspended; when the nation, the world, comes together as one; a festival that cuts across national, racial, and religious boundaries; a ritual during which no time exists except the artificial time on the game clock, a symbolic battle in which only token blood is shed and for which the duration of which the grip of death on the human psyche is relaxed and put aside."
-Tom Robbins

2007-01-30T16:11:00.000+13:00

Cultural Differences Down Under

It has now reached close to two months of living down here and I have noticed some interesting differences between our American culture and the Kiwi culture. This is only natural for me, seeing how I am a anthropology major. I have taken the emic (solid anthropology word meaning view from within) approach to understanding the ways of the kiwis and have noticed some things. I implore you to understand that by no means are these differences wrong or backwards, simply different. Why am I posting these differences? Well for a few reasons. 1: I haven't posted anything yet so I figure it is about time. 2: Why not, maybe some people will be interested. Then again, maybe some people will think it is a stupid post. But ultimately, aren't all these posts really meaningless. Alas, here are a few differences...

1. Sprite is called lemonade. Everywhere. Working at a bar, this proved to be one of the quickest things I learned. Orders for "vodka lemonade" or "bacardi lemonade" proved daunting at first. Now it is old hat. Also along the lines of lemonade, orders for "lemon, lime, and bitters" are common. It is simply sprite with lime cordial and a couple dashes of bitters. Quite a popular non-liquor drink. So, you might ask, what do they call lemonade? Homemade lemonade (pretty straightforward, but I have yet to see it anywhere).

2. The 21st birthday is a HUGE deal here. Even though the legal drinking age is 18, the 21st is the biggest birthday. Most families rent a function room and have a huge party where there is an elaborate cake and numerous speeches by family members and friends. There is also a presentation of an oversized key. I heard that it used to be when you turned 21 the parents gave you a key to the house. But nowadays everyone moves out when they are 18, so it just became a tradition for the parents to present a large skeleton-like key to the son or daughter. There is still quite a bit of drinking involved, similar to the American 21st.

3. This is a text-friendly country. What I mean by that is that hardly anyone uses their cell phones for calling. It is mostly texting each other. Part pain in the ass, part convenient, it has taken a little while for me to get used to. It is just cheaper to text people than it is to call them. Oh, and most phones are pre-pay, which is pretty good actually because you know that you will be getting your money's worth each time.

Well, I believe this is enough for now. I will certainly post again with some more interesting aspects of the kiwi culture. Have no fear! I will continue the emic perspective of the fascinating Kiwis and reports will continue to inform and astonish you with such bold differences! With my classrooms consisting of popular bars and restaurants, I will always bring the truth to you.

Signing off,
Resident Anthropologist Charlie

Confessions of a 'Canadian'

2007-01-21T19:54:00.000+13:00

They call me 'The Canadian' at work. I'm starting to think that might not be such a bad thing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to hide from anything here. Like Lee Greenwood, I too am proud to be an American. Indeed, I relish the opportunity to break the Fox News stereotype...but at work, I'm fighting an uphill battle thanks to the other American. Oh, she's a liberal spirit to be sure, but so much more...and less.

She's 19, from San Diego, and can't pronounce the letter 'R'... This is not to suggest that the problem lies with any of these specific attributes, I only list them here in an effort to be appropriately descriptive. Verily, there is nothing inherently wrong with being 19...we've all been there. Nor do I have anything against San Diegans...we all know they stay classy. And by no means do I intend to imply any correlation between the pronunciation of 'R' and intelligent thought...that would be flat out ludacwis. No...I don't think any of those things really matter...but this perfect storm of an individual keeps coming up with absolute gems...my 3 favorite being as follows.

3. While discussing a movie, refers to plot as involving 'escaped convents.'

2. After noticing a toothpick in my mouth...
She: "Wow, you're quite the woodsman. That's so different than me. I'm very cosmotalitan."
Me: "Oh really...you're Cosmotalitan?"
She: "Yeah (slightly confused)...I'm cosmo...cosmo...yeah, cosmotalitan."

1. Upon encountering a group of staff... "Oh great! We're all conjugated here."

It's amusing for the first five minutes of an 6 hour shift.
After that...well, I'm ok being called the Canadian.

Side-trip: Abel Tasman National Park

2007-01-17T13:59:00.000+13:00

About 350 years ago, a Dutch explorer named Abel Tasman came across two islands in the south pacific occupied by the Maori tribes, who called their land "Aotearoa" - the land of the long white cloud. 300 years later (to the day), the government of New Zealand honored Ol' Tasman by declaring the scenic northern coast of its southern island Abel Tasman National Park. After all, they had to give some credit to the Dutch after Captain Cook sailed by decades later and claimed all that land for the English. Besides, the government had already named the straight between the two islands Cook Straight, so they were running out of explorers.

As for the boys, business was good in Wellington - so good that they were already dying for a vacation. In fact, business was so damn good that only three of them were able to get two days off in a row to take the trip. So be it. Charlie, Morgan, and Trainer packed their swim trunks and sun screen and hopped on the ferry to the south island. It was kayaking time.

They stumbled out of bed before dawn - driving, pushing, and pulling Delilah to the wharf to catch the early-bird Interislander. The wind and clouds forced them to huddle deep inside their jackets as they waited to load up, and they crossed their fingers that they'd catch a break in the weather on the south island. Kayaking in 20 knots of wind has a few downsides. But the trip was on, and these boys were becoming men. There would be no turning back.

They needn't have feared. The clouds broke and the wind died almost as soon as Wellington was out of sight. Three hours later the ferry was landing in Picton on the south island, and the boys broke down to shorts and t-shirts as they walked the streets shaded in palm trees. Naturally, they stopped to watch the travesty that was the Chargers/Patriots playoff game, and after that set off for the drive to Motueka, gateway to Abel Tasman National Park. The weather, of course, was beautiful.

Dinner was the traditional adventure fare of gourmet pizza and wine, and the next day the boys were up at dawn again to catch the bus to the park. Their instructor was a four-year park veteran, and they were the first crew on the water. Sensing their prowess, the guide set off for an opening run of 4 klicks against the current and wind, and the boys did not dissapoint. They took tea in a secluded island cove, crossed to another island to find a maverick seal colony, and almost flipped out of their kayaks when one seal showed off by swimming under, around, and over them in one of the most impressive natural show-off sessions their guide had ever seen.

There were mussels for lunch, a game of Ultimate on the beach, and multiple sessions of swimming as the boys hopped from one cove to the next. With the wind behind them, they took a sail back into their port, and relaxed in the hot tub as they waited for their bus to pick them up again. Sun-burns were had by all, despite the sunscreen, and their guide promised them visits at their respective bars for the international rugby "Sevens" to be held in Wellington in mid-February, when, of course, the boys would be working.

Full photos available here.

Science: Part II

2007-01-11T15:09:00.000+13:00

This week’s topic: TIME

Last week our scientific discussion covered gravity. Now you know why an north-ocean storm that spins counter-clockwise is called a Hurricane while its clockwise-spinning cousin in the southern hemisphere is called a Typhoon. Collaborators on that article: Sir Isaac Newton and Captain James Cook.

The thing about time is this: it’s a much more fluid thing than most of us were taught about in school. Atomic clocks circling the earth in high-speed satellites fall behind 40 nanoseconds every 10 hours compared to earth-bound clocks. The clocks in space just stay young longer than the earthling-clocks. And only because their relative speed is higher.

This fluidity in time was also jarring on Christmas. Being 21 hours behind New Zealand in time zones, more than a few dazzled Americans got Christmas calls from the NZ Boys on America’s Christmas Eve. The New Zealand Boys gave all those people calls from “the future.” The phone calls couldn’t even take place in real time – there’s a four-second time lag.

But walking around in New Zealand, it certainly doesn’t feel like the future. Looking around, things feel a little off. It’s like New Zealand carries with it an echo of something else. But then it all made sense. I put the following together

Mullets by the hundreds

Even hotter female mullets

Mohawks

Florescent clothing

New Zealand is still in the 80s! Somehow, when our plane was making that 12 hour flight across the Pacific, time on earth did something else. It slipped behind. Down in New Zealand, Michael Jackson is still cool, straight guys wear cut-off jean shorts, the air is less polluted, MC Hammer sets all the trends, and cell phones are still the size of boxing gloves.

Science mystifies us again. But the boys have a plan. We know all the trends yet to hit New Zealand, and we’re going to pre-empt all of them with our own fads. Our plan is to bring in boy bands BEFORE we roll out with girl bands, so that we can end the boy-band trend before it hits such lows as 2ge+her and 5ive. We plan to send Michael to rehab before he goes after the kids, and this time his mean dancing moves will stay cool clear into the 21^st century. We’ll get on that fuel-alternative car, we’ll stop tract housing before it starts, we’ll invest in Yahoo, we’ll do Reality TV before Road Rules. It’s like a second chance at life. First step, finish off the mullets.

Endless Summer...?

2007-01-10T18:56:00.000+13:00

It's raining. Again.

Power Rankings: Week Four

2007-01-10T01:58:00.000+13:00

#1 Charlie
Charlie might as well have been here a year rather than a month - he has blended in seamlessly to the Wellington scene and is the picture of consistency. And the Mac's crew is tight - indoor croquet sessions and late night drinking games are not out of the ordinary. The man sleeps on couch cushions and doesn't complain. He works full time. He holds his liquor well. He doesn't scare girls. He always has bread. The boys could learn a lot from Mr. Powers.
#2 Shock
Getting by on his street charm at the door the first couple weeks, Shock is filling new holes. At work. Get your mind outta the gutter. Slinging drinks for the first time, "The Power of Love" sounds so much sweeter on the other side of the bar. Also performed an out of control striptease, dead sober, for a room full of screaming young ladies at a bachelorette party.
#3 Calvert
Calvert had quite the busy week, logging in damn near 60 hours. Out of the boys, he maintains the best schedule, works with the cutest girls, and (supposedly) is on a fast track to management. So why does that No. 1 spot seem so elusive? Well, perhaps one of said bar girls can fill you in on one of his many late night ramblings/proposals this week - he sure can't recall them. Oh yeah, and he got kicked out of his own bar.
#4 Morgan
MoMa clocks in at No. 4 with a bullet. Proving ever valuable to the folks at Chicago, common sense and a reasonable lunchtime crowd have provided smooth sailing for Morgan on the shores of Wellington Harbour. Also, he's been real cool about lending Calvert cash.
#5 Dunne
Dunne keeps the status quo at five again this week, dutifully haeding off to Mollys each night, pre-made cheese sandwiches in tow. Lately, he's been off the sauce and more on foreign affairs. Unfortunately, the deepest anybody in the Wellington hospo industry gets into that field is the great Beck's/Stella Artois debate.
#6 Trainer
While maintaining some of the best relations with fellow staff, it seems the powers that be at Shooters have still yet to tap into the vast resourses they have at hand. A lack of hours and a slow debt payment on behalf of certain roommates created a slight cash flow dillemma. New gig at little Italian bistro has quite alot of potential to dig Pain Train out of the cellar.

Family

2007-01-07T04:54:00.000+13:00

ROD BAKER
9/11/61 - 1/5/07

Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone whose lives he touched.

Calvert says, "No Comment."

2007-01-05T17:38:00.000+13:00

Bar's chemical leak keeps firemen alert

The Dominion Post | Friday, 5 January 2007

Firefighters activated their maximum alert level and donned protective gear after a "pungent" chemical leaked from refrigeration equipment in a Wellington bar yesterday.

Emergency services were called to the Establishment in Blair St about midday after staff became alarmed over a chemical leaking from a machine in the bar's basement.

"There was a very strong smell. It was a pungent odour," said senior station officer Brendan Nally.

The street was cordoned off while firefighters removed the unit and decontaminated it. Those who went into the building were then given decontamination showers.

The fire service went to maximum alert level because of uncertainty over the chemical, Mr Nally said. Bar staff were also given precautionary medical checks.

Management and employees at the bar would not comment.

-----------------------------
For original article, Click Here

Power Rankings: Week Three

2007-01-02T23:05:00.000+13:00

New Year's Edition
From the first time zone in the world to ring in '007

#1 Shock (Last Week: 5)
Spent a long night at work throwing back drinks and throwing out trouble. Luckily, at a bar that parties like it's nineteen eighty-nine, he can spend much more time doing the former.

#2 Calvert (Last Week: 3)
Somehow Calvert managed to be the only nzboy in front of a bar at midnight. While free drinks for the rest of us could be considered stealing, his fell under good customer service. Misses the top spot only for being the first one home.

#3 Trainer (Last Week: 1)
We know this blog often makes it sound like an endless party down here. Not true. There are sometimes entire days when we don't even get out of bed. So far, Trainer is the poster boy for this lifestyle, which might not be such a good thing.

#4 Charlie (Last Week: 2)
Charlie follows one of the most exciting nights (we hear after hour activities included a cricket match in the bar), with one of the most useless next days. Oh, and finds out the hard way that in NZ, 'shoes off' doesn't keep you safe.

#5 Dunne (Last Week: 4)
Excited to be spending less time bouncing and more time tending, yet still plagued by late hours and Economist withdrawal. A trip to the gym will make everything better...if he can ever wake up in time to get there.

#6 Morgan (Last Week: 6)
Worked 11am-3am...with a stiff upper lip above the bar and an even stiffer gin/tonic below it. Referring to it as a 'spirited' performance doesn't improve his ranking this week, nor his wit.

Power Rankings: Week Two

2006-12-30T03:08:00.000+13:00

#1 Trainer (Last Week: 5)
After a slow start, Trainer tops this weeks rankings owing greatly to a birthday celebration he'll never forget...or was that remember. Never mind. We're just glad he made it home. Congrats, Train...

#2 Charlie (Last Week: 2)
Proving thus far to be our most successful liason to the local population, Charlie stays near the top of this weeks rankings. Consistency isn't everything, though... something will, something must happen.

#3 Calvert (Last Week: 6)
Full time manager pouring free bubbles for the ladies by day, basement bartender chatting up wandering Irishmen by night...Calvert's surge is marred only by some questionable fantasy stats.

#4 Dunne (Last Week: 3)
Slipping this week down to #4, Dunne has been heard to complain that Molly's is 'too Irish.' I would say the grass is greener, but that might not be his favorite color right now.

#5 Shock (Last Week: 4)
An 80s bar means 80s music. Unfortunately it seems to be the same playlist every night...and Madonna 4 times an hour. At least he gets a break from the 80s at home...oh wait, Morgan lives there.

#6 Morgan (Last Week: 7)
Spends a significant portion of the afternoon rolling silverware. Seems like somethings never change, like Morgan's ranking this week.

A Very Wellington Christmas

2006-12-26T20:43:00.000+13:00

Wishing You a Very Merry Christmas...

...from Our Family to Yours!

Christmas in Wellington began like any other. Roused from our slumber by an all too eager Calvert sometime well after 10am, we all rushed to gather around the old Christmas Ironing Board to see what Santa had brought in the night. Despite the short holiday notice there was an abundance of fabulous gifts including an American football, flasks, Vodafone credit, and plenty of IOU's... Then it was on to breakfast and the traditional viewing of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Sh***er's full, Clark.

With the morning mimosas starting to kick in, we turned our efforts to the great holiday dinner that had been planned for days (or hours). A Feast fit for kings soon lay before us, cooked to perfection by our resident chefs and labeled properly by the receptionists.

After what some might consider an unfair share of eat, drink, and making of the merry, we turned to more traditional events such as the now annual paper airplane contest and that quintessential of Christmas customs, the terrace potato toss. All in all, it was a Christmas probably much like yours. Just really different.

NOTE: Due to the Christmas/Boxing Day Holiday schedule, Week 2 Power Rankings will be released later this week. Thank you for your patience.

Power Rankings: Week One

2006-12-18T15:47:00.000+13:00

#1 Sid Hampton...

A man eating lunch at home after doing some overtime at the shop. The Way to Wellington blog says it all. If it weren't for Sid, we might all still be in Hamilton. Yep, yep, yep...nailed it in one, he did.

...

#2 Charlie

Bar: Mac's Brewery

Inquires about job at 2. starts job at 5. Simply put, this guy is efficient...and according to other Mac's employess, "works way too hard."

#3 Dunne

Bar: Molly Malone's

It's no surprise to find Dunne spending all night in an Irish pub...we just didn't think he'd be working there.

#4 Shock

Bar: Electric Avenue

Hired for what boss refers to as his "guns." We're not sure what that means, but the ladies he lets in seem to like him.

#5 Trainer

Bar: Shooters

We're not sure if he's spent more time at the aparment or the internet cafe. Bonus points this week for heading the crusade to get internet at home...but frankly, we all saw it coming.

#6 Calvert

Bar: Basement Bar, The Establishment

Proving that any experience can be management experience, Calvert is looking to pull double duty downtown. If they do make him general manager, we fear the world might collapse. At least we'll have free drinks when it does.

#7 Morgan

Bar: TBA

While he is the last of the boys to find gainful empoyment, he's put his spare time to use in

learning the grand game of cricket. Unfortunately, knowing what it means to be 256/7 on Day 3 chasing a Test century doesn't get him out of the cellar this week.

#8 Delilah

Bar: Parking Lot

Allows us to take New Zealand at our own pace. Also forces everyone behind us to take New Zealand at the same pace. After a promising start, she quickly broke down. Despite her sub-par performance, we've still managed a winning record, prompting us to consider Delilah the Rex Grossman of minivans.

Sporting Update

2006-12-18T15:30:00.000+13:00

Bringing you all the latest Wellington’s Basin Reserve.

Day 3 of the second Test of Sri Lanka’s tour of New Zealand saw some great action today. The Blackcaps were trying to hold the Sri Lankan lead to a manageable distance in the 2nd innings. The middle line-up gave them some trouble as batsman Silva rebounded greatly from scoring a double duck in the 1st Test by recording his first ever Test century this afternoon before the break for lunch. As the overs increased, spinner Daniel Vettori managed six wickets, with three falling in quick succession before the tea break. Now, with two days left in the Test, the Blackcaps are left chasing 508 and at last check on the day stood at 43/0 with all ten wickets still in hand. The opening partnership of Cumming and How seemed of to a promising start…we’ll see if it carries. Hopefully they can put some balls through the slips and gullies, and with some decent sweep and cutter play, score a good deal of boundaries to at least salvage some pride.

Despite the optimism of Day 3, Today looks to be the end of it for the Blackcaps as they have been clean bowled out of contention, despite a rousing late partnership of Vettori and Franklin. With a solid 265 for 8, however, the New Zealanders will manage a draw in the Series, having claimed the first Test in Christchurch last week. Now they'll contend in the Tewnty20's before a brief round of onde-days to finish off the tour. Oh yes, and topping the list of not-allowed items at the Basin... Sofas.

What a truly glorious sport this is. Now it is time for tea.

Side-trip: Waitomo Glowworm Caves

2006-12-14T21:19:00.000+13:00

Enter Lauren Casey, self-titled "Genius of Travel"

On Sunday, the boys arrived in Wellington all right, only to run smack dab into the clutches of long-lost L-Case, a sister in arms from Stanford Sierra Camp, the old home. After one night in a hostel in Wellington, she laid plans to kidnap Trainer and Morgan the very day they planned to move into their new apartment - The Penthouse - the one that the crew had found and leased after one day of search.

[They said...it couldn't be done. They SAID...finding a place will take you weeks. What they SAW was an army-style, city-spanning commando raid on Wellington that landed the boys in a hot spot in downtown with satellite TV, 2 bathrooms, a balcony overlooking the city, and suede couches, all for $100/week less than advertised. What do they say now?]

L-Case cared not. When the boys woke up to move into their new place on their 4th day in the country, Trainer and Morgan were gone, the only evidence of their existence being the claw marks on the ground by the still-swinging door.

When Trainer and Morgan came to, they were headed north again - to the Waitomo caves a few hours southwest of Auckland. The caves were famous for ceilings covered with the blue-glow lights of thousands of worms. Figuring the apartment a lost cause, they gave in.

The countryside was beautiful. The crew even stoppd at Mt. Ngauruhoe, the mountain featured as "Mount Doom" in the Lord of the Rings triogy, to hike. They camped in Waitomo, and headed to the caves the next day. The "Rambo Rating" advertised on the advert: 8/10.

After donning wetsuits and helmets, they absailed down three different waterfalls until they were 70m underground in the limestone caves called "Haggas Honking Holes." They crawled through underground rivers, gawked at stalactites and stalagmites, rock-climbed underground walls, and gazed upwards at the starry, starry cave ceilings - stars you could touch. After four hours, they emerged into daylight again, weary and blinking at the sheep, but enourmously happy. L-Case had won again.

After that, they were bound for home. After one final stop at Otaki Beach, after passing through hundreds of kilometers of brilliant-green, sheep covered mountains, they arrived back in Wellington, setting foot in The Penthouse for their first time. L-Case was delivered to the airport with a warning, and the boys settled in to the main story of their journey - life in New Zealand's Capital City.

Another beautiful sunset. Let the journey begin.

The Way to Wellington

2006-12-14T20:20:00.000+13:00

Auckland was old news really - the kind of place a person looks at and says, "is that all?"

It was for the boys. They rounded up and headed out Saturday morning, the day after their arrival. Their van, "Delilah," was their proud ship. They planned to get to Wellington that night.

Delilah broke.

A few hours south of Auckland, in less time than it took to buy the van, she'd already blown a fuel pump a few klicks outside Hamilton, NZ. The boys were heartbroken, and Delilah dropped to 7 in the power rankings.

On a Saturday in NZ, no one works, especially mechanics. Hamilton looked even less exciting than Auckland, and the boys faced holding over there till Monday to wait for repairs. Low on $$ and morale after calling through the Hamilton phone book for what felt like hours, they tried one...last...mechanic.

Enter Sid Hampton, a man eating lunch at home after doing some overtime at the shop. His phone rung. The boys, on the other end, pleaded their case. Sid answered the call. Arriving in a half hour in an old station wagon, he found the problem and towed Delilah back to Hamilton with a seatbelt. In 5 hours, after tracking down the part from other off-work kiwis, Delilah was purring again. The boys high-fived, and Sid refused to charge time-and-a-half. For this, Sid Hampton, you've jumped to #1 in our first week's power rankings. You're a champion.

Wellington was a bust for Saturday, so the boys set a course for Lake Taupo instead, a spot sitting basically in the center of the North Island, and having an eerie resemblence to Lake Tahoe, the boys' former home. They arrived at sunset, and there was much rejoicing.
So ended their second day in New Zealand.

Day 1

2006-12-08T19:54:00.000+13:00

The play by play.

6:15Am. Arrive. Auckland, New Zealand. Landing at sunrise.
7:15Am. Safely through customs. Drug dogs miss us this time.
8:00Am. Meet Calvert in downtown Auckland at the hotel.
9:00Am. Get lead on Van
9:30Am. Eat breakfast.
10:00Am. Purchase Van - $3,000 NZD, $1,500 below original offer
10:30 Am. Finalize insurance, ownership transfer, other federal bullshit
12:00Pm. Roll to mechanic for repairs
12:10Pm. Leave, repair nothing.
2:00Pm. Purchase beer from Liquor.com (not a website).
2:05Pm. Drink beer on park bench. Reflect on our productivity.
3:00Pm. Happy Hour on the Harbour.
6:00Pm. Eat dinner at renowned Asian Food Court
6:30Pm. Bacon Cheeseburgers at Wendy's. Charlie abstains
7:00Pm. Purchase three twelve packs of New Zealand Lager at Liquor.com (still not a website)
7:05Pm. Family Guy on local television.
8:00Pm. Post to blog while waiting on a pool table. Urges to pass out resisted.

What did you do today?

Science

2006-11-23T14:54:00.000+13:00

As world travelers, the boys take a keen interest in international scientific topics of interest. They study world economics, atomic energy, atmospheric change, and monetary exchange rates, for starters.

Today's topic is gravity. A very heavy topic indeed.

Around the world, the boys have heard about the working of the Coriolis Effect, the supposed event of toilets flushing in one direction in the northern hempisphere while flushing the other direction in the southern hemisphere.

As true scientists, the boys have done their homework and will test this theory in both hemispheres to find conclusive answers via the scientific method. For too long, the world has remained ignorant of the true facts behind this urban legend. We will discover the truth once and for all.

Science: The boys test the Coriolis Effect

Step 1: Observation.
Individual toilets flush in one direction only. Lisa Simpson claims that toilets flush Counter-Clockwise in the northern hemisphere and Clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere. See Simpsons episode 6-16 for more details.

Step 2: Hypothesis.
Directional toilet flushing is dictated by location in either the northern or southern hemisphere of the earth. (Above or below the equator)

Step 3: Experimentation & Data

Spruce Toilet, Lake Tahoe, CA (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Home Bathroom, Nashville, TN (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Stockton, CA (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Sink, Brother's house, CT (northern)...CLOCKWISE >>a rogue result!<<
Hotel, Auckland, NZ (southern)...Clockwise
Action Down Under Hostel, Lake Taupo, NZ (southern)...Pretty much straight down
The Penthouse, Wellington, NZ (southern)...Clockwise
Sink, Gas station, Bulls, NZ (southern)...Counter Clockwise >>another dastardly rogue<<

Step 4: Conclusion...
It works for hurricanes, does it work for toilets?

Guess not! While "the force" does seem to hold sway over many bathroom appliances, it cannot rule them all. There are some sinks, shower drains, and toilets whose construction gives them the man-made power to overcome the force and send water in whatever direction they wish. While the force does seem to direct many waters, it cannot "rule them all," and the myth of New Zealand as the home to the "One Toilet" proves a bust. Drains will most often spin Counter-Clockwise in the north, and Clockwise in the south, but not all the time. Oh well. So much for science.

Comments are open for you to add your own researched results to this scientific endevour. legitimate findings only please.

The Crew

2006-11-03T11:08:00.000+13:00

These are the boys (the before shots)
Dunne, Shock, Calvert, Marshall, Powers, Marshall, Trainer, Powers, and Trainer

A bunch of sweethearts, really

An Overture to the Journey

2006-11-03T06:51:00.000+13:00

Six men, brought together from the corners of America, have convened around The Round Table and decreed to invade, conquer, and settle in New Zealand indefinitely. This is their story.

They range from a sweet Georgian Man-boy, Shock (pictured above) to a Boston Cream Puff, Charlie. There's a former Staff Director, Morgan, an Irish Jigger, Dunne, a World Traveler, Calvert, and Trainer, a Tennessean Cowpoke. With the blessings of a nation, we go as ambassadors into a nation alltogether unprepared for the onslaught to come. Lord have mercy on the innocent.

Every heavenly-ordained mission needs its founding document. This is ours:

New Zealand Manifesto

Extra points for scoring while landing at Auckland
Vespas are to be used as outriggers for the communal traveling van
No Diesals
No chicks (for extended stays) We're dudes!
Babes get your own Vespa
Parties: Christmas Dinner, Superbowl, New Years, Trainer's B-day...Any excuse, really
The Christmas Card should be scandalous
We set out for Wellington on the 10th of December
We get hotels - not hostels
Shock does roids in order to get a strip club job
Find cell phones (for the calling of fine ladies) - screw land lines
We need internet (for porn)
Go on a excursion? You're still paying rent, fool!
We gotta get seats together on the plane. And free booze
Everyone print their visas
We want a motherfucking impressive big place - fuck yeah!
(this will save money, we'll go out less)
(central location - location, location, location)
We need TV - cable for Golden Girls Marathon
Get local brew for the kegerator. Bring fountain pumps
Get a huge American flag - Ol' Glory!
Everyone puts in Sunday Money for the house - communal funds
One night a week is Team Night (fuck yeah). We crew this shit up.
Shirts for everyone.

Humble beginnings, yes. Bright futures, yes. Fuzzy Memories - that's what the blog's for!

Let the party begin...