Saturday, December 30, 2006

Power Rankings: Week Two

#1 Trainer (Last Week: 5)
After a slow start, Trainer tops this weeks rankings owing greatly to a birthday celebration he'll never forget...or was that remember. Never mind. We're just glad he made it home. Congrats, Train...

#2 Charlie (Last Week: 2)
Proving thus far to be our most successful liason to the local population, Charlie stays near the top of this weeks rankings. Consistency isn't everything, though... something will, something must happen.

#3 Calvert (Last Week: 6)
Full time manager pouring free bubbles for the ladies by day, basement bartender chatting up wandering Irishmen by night...Calvert's surge is marred only by some questionable fantasy stats.

#4 Dunne (Last Week: 3)
Slipping this week down to #4, Dunne has been heard to complain that Molly's is 'too Irish.' I would say the grass is greener, but that might not be his favorite color right now.

#5 Shock (Last Week: 4)
An 80s bar means 80s music. Unfortunately it seems to be the same playlist every night...and Madonna 4 times an hour. At least he gets a break from the 80s at home...oh wait, Morgan lives there.

#6 Morgan (Last Week: 7)
Spends a significant portion of the afternoon rolling silverware. Seems like somethings never change, like Morgan's ranking this week.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

A Very Wellington Christmas

Wishing You a Very Merry Christmas...
...from Our Family to Yours!

Christmas in Wellington began like any other. Roused from our slumber by an all too eager Calvert sometime well after 10am, we all rushed to gather around the old Christmas Ironing Board to see what Santa had brought in the night. Despite the short holiday notice there was an abundance of fabulous gifts including an American football, flasks, Vodafone credit, and plenty of IOU's... Then it was on to breakfast and the traditional viewing of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Sh***er's full, Clark.

With the morning mimosas starting to kick in, we turned our efforts to the great holiday dinner that had been planned for days (or hours). A Feast fit for kings soon lay before us, cooked to perfection by our resident chefs and labeled properly by the receptionists.

After what some might consider an unfair share of eat, drink, and making of the merry, we turned to more traditional events such as the now annual paper airplane contest and that quintessential of Christmas customs, the terrace potato toss. All in all, it was a Christmas probably much like yours. Just really different.

NOTE: Due to the Christmas/Boxing Day Holiday schedule, Week 2 Power Rankings will be released later this week. Thank you for your patience.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Power Rankings: Week One

#1 Sid Hampton...

A man eating lunch at home after doing some overtime at the shop. The Way to Wellington blog says it all. If it weren't for Sid, we might all still be in Hamilton. Yep, yep, yep...nailed it in one, he did.


#2 Charlie
Bar: Mac's Brewery

Inquires about job at 2. starts job at 5. Simply put, this guy is efficient...and according to other Mac's employess, "works way too hard."

#3 Dunne
Bar: Molly Malone's

It's no surprise to find Dunne spending all night in an Irish pub...we just didn't think he'd be working there.

#4 Shock
Bar: Electric Avenue

Hired for what boss refers to as his "guns." We're not sure what that means, but the ladies he lets in seem to like him.

#5 Trainer
Bar: Shooters

We're not sure if he's spent more time at the aparment or the internet cafe. Bonus points this week for heading the crusade to get internet at home...but frankly, we all saw it coming.

#6 Calvert
Bar: Basement Bar, The Establishment

Proving that any experience can be management experience, Calvert is looking to pull double duty downtown. If they do make him general manager, we fear the world might collapse. At least we'll have free drinks when it does.

#7 Morgan
Bar: TBA

While he is the last of the boys to find gainful empoyment, he's put his spare time to use in
learning the grand game of cricket. Unfortunately, knowing what it means to be 256/7 on Day 3 chasing a Test century doesn't get him out of the cellar this week.

#8 Delilah
Bar: Parking Lot
Allows us to take New Zealand at our own pace. Also forces everyone behind us to take New Zealand at the same pace. After a promising start, she quickly broke down. Despite her sub-par performance, we've still managed a winning record, prompting us to consider Delilah the Rex Grossman of minivans.

Sporting Update

Bringing you all the latest Wellington’s Basin Reserve.

Day 3 of the second Test of Sri Lanka’s tour of New Zealand saw some great action today. The Blackcaps were trying to hold the Sri Lankan lead to a manageable distance in the 2nd innings. The middle line-up gave them some trouble as batsman Silva rebounded greatly from scoring a double duck in the 1st Test by recording his first ever Test century this afternoon before the break for lunch. As the overs increased, spinner Daniel Vettori managed six wickets, with three falling in quick succession before the tea break. Now, with two days left in the Test, the Blackcaps are left chasing 508 and at last check on the day stood at 43/0 with all ten wickets still in hand. The opening partnership of Cumming and How seemed of to a promising start…we’ll see if it carries. Hopefully they can put some balls through the slips and gullies, and with some decent sweep and cutter play, score a good deal of boundaries to at least salvage some pride.

Despite the optimism of Day 3, Today looks to be the end of it for the Blackcaps as they have been clean bowled out of contention, despite a rousing late partnership of Vettori and Franklin. With a solid 265 for 8, however, the New Zealanders will manage a draw in the Series, having claimed the first Test in Christchurch last week. Now they'll contend in the Tewnty20's before a brief round of onde-days to finish off the tour. Oh yes, and topping the list of not-allowed items at the Basin... Sofas.
What a truly glorious sport this is. Now it is time for tea.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Side-trip: Waitomo Glowworm Caves

Enter Lauren Casey, self-titled "Genius of Travel"

On Sunday, the boys arrived in Wellington all right, only to run smack dab into the clutches of long-lost L-Case, a sister in arms from Stanford Sierra Camp, the old home. After one night in a hostel in Wellington, she laid plans to kidnap Trainer and Morgan the very day they planned to move into their new apartment - The Penthouse - the one that the crew had found and leased after one day of search.

[They couldn't be done. They SAID...finding a place will take you weeks. What they SAW was an army-style, city-spanning commando raid on Wellington that landed the boys in a hot spot in downtown with satellite TV, 2 bathrooms, a balcony overlooking the city, and suede couches, all for $100/week less than advertised. What do they say now?]

L-Case cared not. When the boys woke up to move into their new place on their 4th day in the country, Trainer and Morgan were gone, the only evidence of their existence being the claw marks on the ground by the still-swinging door.

When Trainer and Morgan came to, they were headed north again - to the Waitomo caves a few hours southwest of Auckland. The caves were famous for ceilings covered with the blue-glow lights of thousands of worms. Figuring the apartment a lost cause, they gave in.

The countryside was beautiful. The crew even stoppd at Mt. Ngauruhoe, the mountain featured as "Mount Doom" in the Lord of the Rings triogy, to hike. They camped in Waitomo, and headed to the caves the next day. The "Rambo Rating" advertised on the advert: 8/10.

After donning wetsuits and helmets, they absailed down three different waterfalls until they were 70m underground in the limestone caves called "Haggas Honking Holes." They crawled through underground rivers, gawked at stalactites and stalagmites, rock-climbed underground walls, and gazed upwards at the starry, starry cave ceilings - stars you could touch. After four hours, they emerged into daylight again, weary and blinking at the sheep, but enourmously happy. L-Case had won again.

After that, they were bound for home. After one final stop at Otaki Beach, after passing through hundreds of kilometers of brilliant-green, sheep covered mountains, they arrived back in Wellington, setting foot in The Penthouse for their first time. L-Case was delivered to the airport with a warning, and the boys settled in to the main story of their journey - life in New Zealand's Capital City.

Another beautiful sunset. Let the journey begin.

The Way to Wellington

Auckland was old news really - the kind of place a person looks at and says, "is that all?"

It was for the boys. They rounded up and headed out Saturday morning, the day after their arrival. Their van, "Delilah," was their proud ship. They planned to get to Wellington that night.

Delilah broke.

A few hours south of Auckland, in less time than it took to buy the van, she'd already blown a fuel pump a few klicks outside Hamilton, NZ. The boys were heartbroken, and Delilah dropped to 7 in the power rankings.

On a Saturday in NZ, no one works, especially mechanics. Hamilton looked even less exciting than Auckland, and the boys faced holding over there till Monday to wait for repairs. Low on $$ and morale after calling through the Hamilton phone book for what felt like hours, they tried one...last...mechanic.

Enter Sid Hampton, a man eating lunch at home after doing some overtime at the shop. His phone rung. The boys, on the other end, pleaded their case. Sid answered the call. Arriving in a half hour in an old station wagon, he found the problem and towed Delilah back to Hamilton with a seatbelt. In 5 hours, after tracking down the part from other off-work kiwis, Delilah was purring again. The boys high-fived, and Sid refused to charge time-and-a-half. For this, Sid Hampton, you've jumped to #1 in our first week's power rankings. You're a champion.

Wellington was a bust for Saturday, so the boys set a course for Lake Taupo instead, a spot sitting basically in the center of the North Island, and having an eerie resemblence to Lake Tahoe, the boys' former home. They arrived at sunset, and there was much rejoicing.
So ended their second day in New Zealand.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Day 1

The play by play.

6:15Am. Arrive. Auckland, New Zealand. Landing at sunrise.
7:15Am. Safely through customs. Drug dogs miss us this time.
8:00Am. Meet Calvert in downtown Auckland at the hotel.
9:00Am. Get lead on Van
9:30Am. Eat breakfast.
10:00Am. Purchase Van - $3,000 NZD, $1,500 below original offer
10:30 Am. Finalize insurance, ownership transfer, other federal bullshit
12:00Pm. Roll to mechanic for repairs
12:10Pm. Leave, repair nothing.
2:00Pm. Purchase beer from (not a website).
2:05Pm. Drink beer on park bench. Reflect on our productivity.
3:00Pm. Happy Hour on the Harbour.
6:00Pm. Eat dinner at renowned Asian Food Court
6:30Pm. Bacon Cheeseburgers at Wendy's. Charlie abstains
7:00Pm. Purchase three twelve packs of New Zealand Lager at (still not a website)
7:05Pm. Family Guy on local television.
8:00Pm. Post to blog while waiting on a pool table. Urges to pass out resisted.

What did you do today?

Thursday, November 23, 2006


As world travelers, the boys take a keen interest in international scientific topics of interest. They study world economics, atomic energy, atmospheric change, and monetary exchange rates, for starters.

Today's topic is gravity. A very heavy topic indeed.

Around the world, the boys have heard about the working of the Coriolis Effect, the supposed event of toilets flushing in one direction in the northern hempisphere while flushing the other direction in the southern hemisphere.

As true scientists, the boys have done their homework and will test this theory in both hemispheres to find conclusive answers via the scientific method. For too long, the world has remained ignorant of the true facts behind this urban legend. We will discover the truth once and for all.

Science: The boys test the Coriolis Effect

Step 1: Observation.
Individual toilets flush in one direction only. Lisa Simpson claims that toilets flush Counter-Clockwise in the northern hemisphere and Clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere. See Simpsons episode 6-16 for more details.

Step 2: Hypothesis.
Directional toilet flushing is dictated by location in either the northern or southern hemisphere of the earth. (Above or below the equator)

Step 3: Experimentation & Data

Spruce Toilet, Lake Tahoe, CA (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Home Bathroom, Nashville, TN (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Stockton, CA (northern)... Counter Clockwise
Sink, Brother's house, CT (northern)...CLOCKWISE >>a rogue result!<<
Hotel, Auckland, NZ (southern)...Clockwise
Action Down Under Hostel, Lake Taupo, NZ (southern)...Pretty much straight down
The Penthouse, Wellington, NZ (southern)...Clockwise
Sink, Gas station, Bulls, NZ (southern)...Counter Clockwise >>another dastardly rogue<<

Step 4: Conclusion...
It works for hurricanes, does it work for toilets?

Guess not! While "the force" does seem to hold sway over many bathroom appliances, it cannot rule them all. There are some sinks, shower drains, and toilets whose construction gives them the man-made power to overcome the force and send water in whatever direction they wish. While the force does seem to direct many waters, it cannot "rule them all," and the myth of New Zealand as the home to the "One Toilet" proves a bust. Drains will most often spin Counter-Clockwise in the north, and Clockwise in the south, but not all the time. Oh well. So much for science.

Comments are open for you to add your own researched results to this scientific endevour. legitimate findings only please.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Crew

These are the boys (the before shots)
Dunne, Shock, Calvert, Marshall, Powers, Marshall, Trainer, Powers, and Trainer

A bunch of sweethearts, really Posted by Picasa

An Overture to the Journey

Six men, brought together from the corners of America, have convened around The Round Table and decreed to invade, conquer, and settle in New Zealand indefinitely. This is their story.

They range from a sweet Georgian Man-boy, Shock (pictured above) to a Boston Cream Puff, Charlie. There's a former Staff Director, Morgan, an Irish Jigger, Dunne, a World Traveler, Calvert, and Trainer, a Tennessean Cowpoke. With the blessings of a nation, we go as ambassadors into a nation alltogether unprepared for the onslaught to come. Lord have mercy on the innocent.

Every heavenly-ordained mission needs its founding document. This is ours:

New Zealand Manifesto

Extra points for scoring while landing at Auckland
Vespas are to be used as outriggers for the communal traveling van
No Diesals
No chicks (for extended stays) We're dudes!
Babes get your own Vespa
Parties: Christmas Dinner, Superbowl, New Years, Trainer's B-day...Any excuse, really
The Christmas Card should be scandalous
We set out for Wellington on the 10th of December
We get hotels - not hostels
Shock does roids in order to get a strip club job
Find cell phones (for the calling of fine ladies) - screw land lines
We need internet (for porn)
Go on a excursion? You're still paying rent, fool!
We gotta get seats together on the plane. And free booze
Everyone print their visas
We want a motherfucking impressive big place - fuck yeah!
(this will save money, we'll go out less)
(central location - location, location, location)
We need TV - cable for Golden Girls Marathon
Get local brew for the kegerator. Bring fountain pumps
Get a huge American flag - Ol' Glory!
Everyone puts in Sunday Money for the house - communal funds
One night a week is Team Night (fuck yeah). We crew this shit up.
Shirts for everyone.

Humble beginnings, yes. Bright futures, yes. Fuzzy Memories - that's what the blog's for!

Let the party begin...

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